The Truth about Goats
The Archbishop of Canterbury has come in for criticism by parenting groups and fans of Game of Thrones, for repeatedly giving away the ending to the series finale of ‘Jesus – Master of Illusion’. Disappointed followers of the story – or ‘Christians’ as they are described on fan fiction sites – have dismissed speculation that the final chapter reveals that either the ‘Butler did it’, Jo married Professor Bhaer or that it was ‘all a dream’.
Despite requests from the author, sections of The Bible have been leaked on social media – with hints that a major character will be killed off or ‘devoured by a dragon’. Explained one confused witness after an Easter service: ‘First there was John Carpenter who was cross about something and later was crucified for making ‘Ghosts of Mars’ or not having a pilot’s license?’
‘His meal was called the Last Supper because he disappointingly gave out no chocolate eggs nor left a tip. He was then betrayed by Long John Silver for 30 ‘pieces of eight’ and knifed by the Easter bunny in the garden of Gethsemane. The Jews let free a murder called Barrabus, who was later implicated in the disappearance of Shannon Matthews. Then, Peter’s showed the Roman’s his cock three times but was only given a formal warning’.
‘After he died, he spent the night with a seal in a tomb. Which meant that he could respawn on the Boss level and go to the seaside for a fish’n’chip supper. Then he went up to heaven – just like David Bowie – but with less lighting and awards. Although, how any of this relates to the Christmas prequel – ‘Love Actually’ – God only knows?’