The Truth about Goats
Parents, Jacob and Zara, were disappointed to discover that their three-year old son was more elated with a cardboard box rather than the artisan gifts it contained – ignoring his new toy espresso machine, with matching child-sized Aga. Young Zac seemed distinctly unimpressed that his parents had created a bespoke celebration involving yoga, balloon animals and the cast of Cirque du Soleil.
Four years in the planning, this birthday event was to be in part a celebration of Zac’s life, but primarily a shining tribute to the parenting skills and exquisite taste of Jacob and Zara. Yet, as adult guests marvelled at the ice, food and sand sculptures on display – all based on the linear grace of Botticelli’s Renaissance art – Zac and his pals licked the ice, chewed the food and ate the sand.
The present list (published in ‘Town & Country’) clearly informed guests that all gifts should be educational, of an art-deco theme and eligible as one his ‘five a day’ – which is why it was so disappointing to see Zac armed with stick, chasing the cat. Sadly, Zac’s interpretation of imaginative play had little to do with his lute or pottery classes and everything to do with being a ‘death robot’.
Regrettably, Zac and his toddler friends seemed more intent on spinning ‘until sick’ than listening to the sound of Haydn’s Quintet in E-flat major. With a budget of thousands Jacob and Zara had provided an ergonomic bouncy castles, organically sourced jelly and a delightful wooden toy goat’s cheese – which Zac promptly ‘stuck up his ar$e’.