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Tories propose four new ‘tax holidays’ for bankers


Countering Jeremy Corbyn’s proposal for more public holidays, the Conservative Party plans to offer additional dates for tax avoidance, sub-prime lending and general ‘financial d$ckishness’.  The four new days will be in addition to the other 361 calendar dates when the City of London is permitted to transfer funds to Switzerland, run pyramid schemes and launder money for Gary Barlow.

These ‘Banker’s Holidays’ will allow hard-working white-collar criminals to catch up with their fictitious tax returns and editing ‘The Evening Standard’.  Many are expected to head to the beach on these days – bucket, spade and Krugerrands in hand – provided it’s situated on the Cayman Islands.

The origins of the ‘bank holiday’ dates back to the 1800’s, when ordinary folk were given one day’s respite from poverty, rickets and being stuffed up chimneys.  Whereas today, these holidays exist to give the public a chance to experience traffic jams, DIY hell and the desire to stuff your children up a chimney.

Banker’s already celebrate ‘Thanksgiving’ or the ‘Great RBS bailout’ as it is known.  There are also plans for festive holidays to celebrate the only religion that matters – money; explained one Minister: ‘After all, if you work in the financial sector, everyday is Christmas’.

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This entry was posted on April 26, 2017 by in UK Business and tagged , , , , , , .

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