The Truth about Goats
With a General Election looming and a post-election depression inevitable, many Conservatives are looking for ways to continue their Faustian Pact, while retaining the right to ‘b$tch and moan’ about the state of the country. Yet after seven years of Tory ineptitude, it has become increasingly hard to blame things on 9/11, Windows Vista, and High School the Musical.
Condemning the EU or the iPod Nano is not a luxury the voting public will have in the future; sadly, the Jonas Brothers and Nick Clegg are not here to stay. Excuses have a shelf-life; and there is a nagging sense that collapsing schools and hospitals, rising child poverty and prison suicides might…just might…not be the fault ‘Heelys’ and skinny jeans.
Commented one confused voter: ‘A bit of misdirection is one thing – but how does it work that the Tories start Brexit, campaign for Brexit, celebrate Brexit – but somehow are not culpable? When a banker commits industrial scale fraud, why do we send the invoice to wheelchair users? Voting Conservative is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. ’
Through a combination Rohypnol and Jedi-mind tricks, Theresa May has got us all believing that our current woes are the result of the invention of Silly Bandz and the Fall of the Ottoman Empire. A spokeswoman explained: ‘Oh, it’s also the a fault of all those nasty immigrants. Pardon? Which Home Secretary let them in? Um…er…Jeremy Corbyn?’