The Truth about Goats
Police in the Republic of Ireland have launched an investigation into allegations that one TV viewer was anything less than effusive about Stephen Fry’s guest appearance on ‘Veep’. As permanent a fixture on our televisions as a layer of dust, Mr. Fry has for many years been surrogate Queen Mum, the answer to all producers’ prayers and the only viable UK resource after Brexit.
As we all know, it is a criminal offence under the Defamation Act to criticise any past member of Cambridge ‘Footlights’ – unless it’s Judas, or Tony Slattery as we he was known. God explained: ‘I sent my son to die for your sins – not for you to commission Mrs Brown’s Boys. I demand more Stephen on TV or I’ll send a plague of James Cordens’.
The Holy Trinity of light entertainment is Sarah Beeny, Mr Fry and the Holy Ghost (or ‘Brucie’ to his friends). Sainted in the 1980’s, for making Ben Elton seem funny, St. Stephen has since spent his career walking on water, while performing the miracle of getting ‘anything with Alan Davies’ 4 million viewers.
While it is perfect acceptable to confess to a priest that you did not like Mr. Fry appearing on a Kate Bush album, it is a mortal sin to suggest that St. Stephen is not a national treasure. Meanwhile, Bits of Fry & Laurie are regularly consumed at Mass, followed by the communal whine that Sandi Toksvig is ‘just not as good’.