The Truth about Goats
A triumphant eight year old boy has become the first person to capture all Archbishops of Canterbury, alive and dead, using his Pokémon Go skills and saucer of milk. The remains of the final Apostles were discovered in a hidden crypt beside Lambeth Palace; rather than the normal final resting place of Bishops – The House of Lords.
In front of the gathered press, Lucas Cunningham held up the skull of seventeenth century Richard Bancroft, next to his prized Charizard – Bishop of York. At its peak Pokémon had over a billion users hunting for Archbishops – with many mistakenly capturing members of the Ku Klux Klan and Dumbledore impressionists. In fact the Church of England has always supported in-app purchases – such as souls and customizable underwear for avatar Vicars.
The popular game sees people regularly rooting around storm drains and hedgerows for members of the clergy. You can even use Google Maps to help spot them or just look out for their mitre poking out above their hiding place. The map includes predictable venues for Archbishops, including ‘Pokémon gyms’, ‘saunas’ and strip bars.
Of course – Pokémon Go is one of the most successful augmented reality games, after Christianity itself – each culminating in an implausible and hard to reach endgame. Although critics of the game have said there are dangers of hunters accidentally wandering into somewhere dangerous, as yet no one has stepped foot in a church. There is a Catholic alternative – Poké-Papal-bull – ironically involving Priests trying to capture eight year old boys, but this is only available on ‘Bad Apple’ devices, with the App – iSpyWithMyLittlei™.