The Truth about Goats
Arkansas shoppers are being advised to check the expiration date on any lethal injection they might be planning to administer to loved ones or fellow cult members. Other such perishables such as nooses or axes should be used immediately and avoid using any electric chair purchased before 1929.
The Arkansas Department of Corrections has enacted its first death penalty in 12 years, along with using up a half bottle of cooking sherry and a tin of kidney beans. One retiree complained: ‘I’d four jars of midazolam sitting at the back of my larder, next to some pickles. I’d been saving them up for Thanks Giving with my daughter-in-law, but I guess I’m just going to have to shoot her in the head’.
The Attorney General has said she will be rushing through several executions and offering a ‘2 for1’ discount. Her spokeswoman explained: ‘There’s a sell-by date for drugs and a cell-by date for Death Row inmates. Sadly we can not shelve the ending of life, while drug shelf-life comes to an end’.
Controversially Arkansas was the first state to experiment with Calpol-flavoured poison. A Health official explained: ‘If left to expire, these lethal injections could become more lethal…or possibly less lethal. We’re not sure. But either way, they won’t taste as nice’.