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Custodial sentence for ‘meja studies’, says Judge

According to Judge Ian Pringle QC working towards a medical degree will now exempt you from prison but, he warned, those on the other end of the ‘talent’ spectrum should expect ritual dunking, conflagration within a wicker man or ‘life-imprisonment’ working on the tills at Sainsbury. 

He went on to explain, that rather than sentence the hopeless to a future of mediocrity, it was far more humane to pack them off to prison – where at least their sociology degree ‘would be of use’.  While many assumed Oxford graduates were already beyond the reach of law, regional accents and income tax; Judge Pringle has confirmed that under-graduates can expect a ‘get out jail free card’ to go with their Monopoly–themed ‘silver-spoon token’.

The Criminal Bar Association hinted that the Judge overstepped the mark, although colleagues say Mr. Pringle was unimpressed by the opinions of any lawyer ‘who only got a Desmond from a Poly’.

Meanwhile Lavinia Woodward, who stabbed her ex-boyfriend, said she now looked forward to putting her blade skills to good use in her future surgical career – alongside Doctor Jim Bowie.  Witnesses say they heard Judge saying, as he put on his black cap: ‘A combined degree in Dance and Golf management? Their life is already wasted. I’m doing them a favour’.


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This entry was posted on May 22, 2017 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , .

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