Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

France secretly speaking English for years


Covert recordings, taken at Emmanuel Macron’s post-election rally, reveal thousands of revellers may have been faking their French chants of support.  On the tape, President Macron’s voice clearly drops several octaves – taking on a Ray Winstone-like quality – and is audibly heard telling the crowd:  ‘…relax, the cameras are gone. Drop the phoney accent.  Let’s all tuck into a nice tub of jellied eels’.

This has sent shock waves around Europe, but possibly explains why Mr Macron’s victory speech had been a mash up of ‘Lady Marmalade’ and Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Lost In France’.  Unbeknownst to many, even Mimes having been pulling on imaginary non-French ropes for years and their silent yells when trapped in an invisible box, have always been in English.

Some blame the influx of the Hollywood Americanisms, but most confess that it is mainly down to the prevalence of English-speaking porn. Confessed one Gaelic fraud: ‘To be honest, I haven’t spoken French in years. I’ve just been making noises like ‘pfff’ and ‘bahhh’, while shrugging a lot’.

Ironically, as Jean-Claude Junker resolutely uses French in his Brexit negotiations, it transpires that most of his own diplomats will only be pretending to understand, while tutting and hiding behind the wine menu.  Others spoke of their relief: ‘It will be wonderful to quit this charade – in fact, what is the English for ‘charade’? Ah, yes – ‘Tory Manifesto’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on May 30, 2017 by in International Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 557 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 36,328 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: