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Guests ‘singularly unimpressed’ by toast rack


Despite offering the ‘red carpet treatment’ to visiting friends, Aisha and Matt Symonds have been given a less than glowing review for offering their guests special cutlery, parking privileges and the use of ‘the fancy towels’.  What should have been a weekend of bonhomie quickly became a critique of the host’s lack of gluten-free meal options and their miserly hoarding of the Wi-Fi password.

A disappointed Matt defended his decision to offer ‘instant’ rather than organically grinded free-range coffee: ‘We did everything we could to make them feel welcomed.  We laughed at their racist jokes, deliberately lost at Scrabble and I cleaned the loo – twice!  We even provided a series of tasteful, but impractically small, shampoo bottles – stolen from a range of exclusive hotels.’

Guests, Jermain and Sally, complained that: ‘To be frank we don’t really like them, so in visiting we expect a more refined service.  Where was the choice of cheese boards?  Our own spare key?  Moreover, the turn down service was practically non-existent. One couple we visited offered reflexology, loft storage and a suitcase-stand they’d whittled by hand.’

Remarked Aisha: ‘We were both very diplomatic; I didn’t mention his second wife or Brexit and Matt hardly ever stared at Sally’s boob job.  I took the dog’s blanket off the spare bed and we even muted our sex noises.  I almost don’t feel guilty now for having pissed in the soup.’

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This entry was posted on May 31, 2017 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , , , .

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