The Truth about Goats
While the electorate may have wondered where the Prime Minister was hiding, those ‘in the know’ were watching her last night in an underground car-park, bare-knuckle boxing with Brad Pitt-lookalike, David Davis. Mild mannered cock-wobbler by day, by night Mrs May is crypto-anarchist with her own brand of vigilante justice and leather pants.
Theresa explained how it started: ‘Boris had bitch tits. He was in a support group for the men responsible for Brexit. The big moosie slobbering all over me… that was Boris. The next thing I know, I’m stripped to the waist – being cheered on by back-benchers – pounding on Michael Gove’s smug face’.
Her top secret ‘Project May-hem’, designed to bring down Western Civilization, is already in its final stages. So secret is the plan, that Mrs May is unable to appear in public to discuss it – but she did reveal it involves soap, grammar schools and unleashing Trident against an unsuspecting UK.
Defending her absence from the election debates: ‘Words are meaningless. Judge me on my actions. Just ignore the schools, hospitals, police, armed forces, infrastructure, child poverty, environment, fire services, wages, job security, housing and fox longevity. We’ve got some fantastic food banks. Um…er…What’s my job again?’
In other news Toby Young is an utter arse.