The Truth about Goats
Despite being an Arsenal fan, Jeremy Corbyn has led England’s Under-20s to their first electoral upset since 1966. Through a combination of ‘kick it and hope’ and Theresa May still being stuck in the changing room, Corbyn’s youngsters were able to secure a famous victory – or to be more precise ‘a score-draw’ in extra-time.
Reminding the public that it was 51 years ago that England last did anything worthwhile, one animated Norwegian voter shouted: ‘Jeffrey Archer, Jeremy Hunt, Herman Himmler, Lady Diana, Maggie Thatcher – Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!’
Meanwhile Theresa May has promised to recapture the student vote by assembling a coalition of homophobes, creationists and Michael Gove. All that is missing to really appeal to the Under 20s are thermal underwear, Saga vouchers and a year’s supply of haemorrhoid cream.
The question still remains, can this ‘golden generation’ of voters mature into the Lionel Messi of the ballot box – or become Paul Nuttall of the six-yard box? Said one student: ‘Winning against Mrs May is easy – she keeps scoring own goals.’