The Truth about Goats
While Jeremy Corbyn pandered to youngsters with his vision of hope and love, the Prime Minister nailed the John Peel Stage with her avant-garde bukakee madrigal and balloon animals. ‘Living it large, strong and stable’, Theresa May proved she was down with the kids by offering a free Tote-Bag with every tenement building covered in flammable cladding.
Rubbing her ‘love baps’ on a mixing desk she told Glastonbury that she was: ‘Glad they were the strongest sperm’ and promised to refund their University fees if they agreed to fund Brexit. She culminated her set by chasing Radiohead with pack of hounds and turning the Pyramid Stage into a Grammar School for hippies – or the BBC as it is known.
Waving everyone onto her bouncy castle of electoral uncertainty, Mrs May excited the Glastonbury crowd with her promise of goody bags and a corporation tax rate that would Disney puke. Down with the kids, she went on to say a Tory Government would be Minecraft and Frozen themed, ‘with all the jelly you can eat’.
Dressed as a Transformer, the May-bot was critical of the 150,000 revellers who had not RSVPed, but said they could rectify matters by giving her an appropriate gift – or she would not finish her Thomas the Tank Engine burlesque. Mrs May reminded them she had made a hedgehog-shaped cake with spikes made out of Cadbury’s Fingers and that the Foo Fighters could not offer a soft-play area complete with a clown – or Foreign Secretary as we call it.