The Truth about Goats
As the Ford Transit becomes the weapon of choice for every would-be killer or decorator, sadly ‘Vanarama’ is now comparable to an Arms Dealership. In turn this has meant that Theresa May has agreed to a shipment of Volkswagen Transporters to Saudi Arabia and Postman Pat has been arrested after loading suspicious bags in his van – ‘just as day is dawning’.
Security forces have immediately put out an alert for white supremacist Eddie Van Halen, Irish radical Van Morrison and ‘any suspicious’ Van der Graaf Generators. They have already apprehended ‘The A Team’ and their GMC Van, which is said to have extensive bomb-making equipment on board.
These measures have not been without controversy, as it has put a dent in the profitability of ‘Trotter’s Independent Traders’. While The Daily Mail recently ran the helpful headline – ‘Muslims attack innocent van with their soft bodies’.
Bizarrely we now have a Van Venn diagram of terror, with overlapping figures such as DIY fanatics, Doc Brown and Ernie the fastest milkman in the West. A police spokeswoman said: ‘We’re currently on the lookout for a Mystery Machine. This van was driven by four desperate teenagers and a Great Dane – who will stop at nothing for Scooby snacks’.