The Truth about Goats
In order to protect the UK’s fisheries post-Brexit, the Environment Secretary has issued Letters of the Marque to any Salty Jack or Rancid Boris. The Channel will now be awash with privateers and villainous scum or as we know them – hedge fund managers.
On board the ‘HMS Strong & Stable’, Mr. Gove explained that he would be guarding Britain’s sovereign waters with a cutlass in one hand and an inflatable palm tree in the other. He also warned fishermen not to stray too close to the continent, as ‘here be dragons, eurocrats and straight bananas!’.
Admittedly, Mr. Gove’s Brexit Treasure Map, might lead to some becoming shipwrecked, left with an obsessional craving for French cheese. Likewise, the pound would be devalued to one eighth of its original price, while doubloons would remain part of the Euro.
Stepping out of Davy Jones’s Closet, Mr. Gove assured voters that their fish were as safe as the extra £350m for the NHS. A spokesman said: ‘Under the auspices of the Jolly Roger and the Grumpy Philip Hammond, Mr. Gove will defend our cod but still support our codswallop. Just ask the Prime Minister – look thar she blows..hard’.