The Truth about Goats
While experts acknowledge that the UK has the emotional resilience of blancmange, many now agree that ‘mindfulness’ is just a scam to sell books, josticks and to fill up Spa resorts. Some suggest that there is a direct correlation between whining and the amount of free time on our hands; in other words – get a hobby.
Remarked one GP: ‘It’s called being a bit sad. It’s one of the basic human emotions. Cavemen did it. It wasn’t invented by Millennials and grumpy Hipsters. Get over yourself. Or have a fucking cry! Just stop making your problem everyone else’s.’
Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day, yet have better mental health. At least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day – which will please Philip Hammond – but does suggest that we should stop complaining that our cappuccino being too frothy, our data allowance being too low and that we had to wait a ‘whole year’ for the next season of Game of Thrones.
Ignoring parasitic lifestyle gurus, one Buddhist monk explained: ‘Look, sad things happen, okay? Guess what – just eat healthily and be nice to people – that’s it. Nothing else. Sad shit will happen, but you’ll be much better equipped to deal with it. The rest is just advertising and trapped wind’.