The Truth about Goats
Bloggers throughout the land have been delighted to discover that the root to all happiness is not resolving dietary and fashion dilemmas, but is in fact linked to ‘large globules of cash’ and a guest-spot on ‘Loose Women’. Surprisingly, all their online concerns about parenting and finding a matching leopard print scarf, simply evaporated when offered a six-figure book deal and Caitlin Moran on speed-dial.
One full-time vlogger and part-time Mum spoke of her struggle: ‘It’s such a relief to write something meaningful at last, something that comes with an actual pay cheque. Every morning I had to go online and think of some provocative way of polarizing opinion; questions like – Should I wax before Parents’ Evening? Are gypsies real? Or, who was your favourite Hapsburg?’
Another online writer, ‘#HoplessAndGinSoaked’, admitted: ‘I’d felt like a fraud, plagiarizing far-fetched life-stories to confess. Yet, none of my readers seemed perplexed that I’d had a family Christmas at the Nakatomi Corporation, when a group of bank robbers led by Hans Gruber took us all hostage. But now I can finally tell the truth print – what it was like to live in the Deep South, on a sprawling plantation, torn between Ashley and Rhett’.
So the advice is, for self-help bloggers to reach out and help themselves; become self-aware, self-promoting and ultimately self-centred ‘but in a good way’. Make deep personal connections with their readers and their bank accounts. And finally, become all that you can be…but in 140 characters or less.