The Truth about Goats
The Home Secretary has instructed Silicon Valley to guard against the threat of Calcalator watches, the Siemens S25 and other forms of witchery. Warning of the dangers of terrorists on ‘Friends Reunited’, Mrs Rudd insisted that the industry must address the vulnerabilities of the latest version of Locoscript.
Consulting her Handspring PDA, Mrs Rudd explained that hackers could access your Sony Walkman and damage your mixed tape. Worse still, mimeographs could copy your personal details and sell them to unscrupulous ZX Spectrum salesmen.
A Homeoffice spokeswoman confirmed via a Betamax recording: ‘A terrorist armed with cutting edge technology can take an Nintendo Gameboy, douse it in petrol and turn it into a handheld bomb. Dont make eye contact with the Internet. Just remove its clockwork mechanism.’
Mrs Rudd recounted an episode of ‘Tomorrows World’ she had seen, where emojis could enter your house via your coaxial cable and infect your typewriter. Donning her tin foil hat, she advised everyone to turn off their pagers.