As civil disturbance spreads throughout the Bolivarian Republic, many in the UK are concerned that it may impact on its neighbours – Belguim, El Dorado and Mordor. There were press calls for Jeremy Corbyn to condemn Venezuela’s violence and similar calls from Geography Teachers for Boris Johnson to say which continent it belonged to.
While something terribly important seemed to be happening ‘down there’, the actual whereabouts of ‘there’ or even ‘down’ seemed in doubt; with most people placing the country somewhere between the Congo and your appendix.
Explained a Foreign Office spokeswoman, armed with a London A-Z: ‘Founded in 1974 as a replacement for Rick Wakeman, Venezuela went on to win an Academy Award for Chariots of Fire. Its primary export is flange nuts and the smell of regret. And the capital of Venezuela is the letter V.’
Google has in been inundated with search requests for ‘Is Che Guevara still a thing?’, ‘Naked Ladies of South America’ and the more perfunctory ‘Hot Nudes’. Yet for those willing to brave the journey, there awaits a tropical vista of burning coca fields and socialist backer-packers being assaulted by US Black Ops – which could be anywhere really.