The Truth about Goats
Martin Cabrera, 20, has declared himself the ‘new Jamie Oliver’, having found out that Pesto is more than just a mysterious jar hidden behind some out-of-date kidney beans. Martin further wowed his flatmates by combining such disparate ingredients as cheese, toast and rudimentary hygiene levels.
His housemate, Koki, waxed lyrical: ‘Who knew such Basilly-goodness could come from something so mouldy looking?’ A modest Martin discussed his methodology: ‘I just thought, why not use something other than ketchup? Why not wash the cutlery before using them? Why not eat sober?’
Not every creation by Mr Cabrera has been an unrivalled success; with few forgetting the night of the infamous Pickled Herring Bancmange. Martin explained: ‘I like to experiment, get my hands dirty – sometimes literally. You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, although in retrospect I should probably have removed the shells…and used less jelly’.
‘I’m now wondering what other wonders might the larder contain? There must be a recipe that allows me to amalgamate custard powder with hummus from 2006. And Toilet Duck is a sauce, right? I tell you, I’m going to use pesto with everything – which should really spice up our Friday cocktail night’.