The Truth about Goats
As we rush towards Armageddon, observers have noted that there are less fiery lakes and zombie hordes than expected – and a lot more bin strikes. With nuclear threat, a corrupt President and vol-au-vents making a comeback – many have an overwhelming sense of 70’s déjà vu or at very least an inkling of voulez-vous coucher avec moi.
Instead of wide-spread panic, the public are feeling quite comfortable – like a snug fitting tank-top – and are looking forward to the return of Dick Emery. It turns out that if we are going to die, we would rather go in belled sleeves, flared pants and haircuts that defy description.
The general consensus is that the Apocalypse is ‘not too bad’, especially now that we have Nespresso, Amazon Echo and Mel & Sue. Although a spokesman for Satan insisted that we were not supposed to be enjoying any of those elements, but conceded that Brexit had been a ‘tad too harsh’.
Yet, religious experts are unsure as to whether this will lead to hell on earth or the 80s as many of us know it. Quoted one priest: ‘I looked, and behold, a Raleigh Chopper; and he who sat on it had the name Kevin. And he sayeth “Fan dabby dozy!”.’