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Self-drive Lorry serial-killers launched

Mysterious unmarked vans and lorries will be trialled throughout the UK, each carrying a robot capable of committing untraceable sex-crimes, while quoting from ‘Smokey & the Bandit’.  Then with the familiar whiff of diesel and formaldehyde, the automated cyborg-driver will wrap body parts in tarpaulin and drop them in the local canal.

Street workers and homeless teenagers have spoken of their excitement at how the self-drive service will speed up their untimely and tragic demise.  While ordinary drivers welcomed the opportunity to gesticulate at tailgating robot-killers, alongside the more unpalatable BMW drivers.

A Government spokesman tried to allay concerns of inevitable human redundancies: ‘There will still be jobs available for those interested in the indiscriminate killing of the vulnerable in society – for instance, we will still need Work Capability Assessors and cladding manufacturers.’

Generic police photo-fits will now resemble an Apple Mac, while forensic detectives will focus on tracing ‘killerbytes’.  One robot commented: ‘I’ll be able imitate the cold, psychotic tone of Hannibal Lecter while delivering over-priced goods – a bit like Amazon Echo’.




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This entry was posted on August 31, 2017 by in UK Business and tagged , , , , , , .

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