The Truth about Goats
While Britain has scraped together a paltry £32m for damaged overseas territories in the wake of Hurricane Irma, the Government said it was still committed to funnelling hundreds of millions to clear up the ‘sh$t storm’ they had created. Hurricane Brexit continues to uproot Tory voters, with no sign of abating, with many marginal seats at risk of being blown away and flood defences urgently needed to protect their slim Commons’ majority.
Wrecked Anguilla was originally optimistic when told that £1bn had been diverted to an overlooked and impoverished island; but later grew suspicious when they were told that the island in question was famous for a sunken cruise liner, kneecapping and James Nesbitt’s Mum.
British Overseas territories are not part of the EU, so have to rely on the UK Government for expert advice and financial aid – or ‘bugger all’ as it is known. A Government relief advert declared: ‘For just £3 a month we can buy some earplugs to ignore the wailing noise coming from the Caribbean. But for £30 million a month we can keep Theresa May in votes for the rest of her career – so basically, until the next election’.
Insurers say that ‘Hurricane Brexit’ is technically an Act of God – or at least that’s how Michael Gove likes them to refer to him. On the subject of the British Virgin Islands, Michael Fallon – the defence secretary – said: “These are our people and we are going to do everything possible to help them’ but an aide pointed out that it would help if they had 10 DUP votes.