The Truth about Goats
Having apologised for sexual assault, the former President has been applauded for the dignified and statesmen-like manner with which he goosed an actress. In this tawdry age of Harvey Weinstein, it is gratifying to know that George Bush Snr. still knows how to treat a young lady – with respect and a dirty joke – yet not to sully an innocent buttock grab, with a vulgar movie deal.
As experts will attest, there is a sweet spot for being a vilified sex offender. Early 20s is far too young. Eighty-plus is too implausible, but 40-70 is in the ‘pervert zone’. Old enough to know better, but still mobile. At 93, the wheelchair-bound, ex-President could easily be fended off by a stern word or by the use of stairs.
No longer covered by Presidential immunity, George Bush Snr. has been forced to apply for ‘dirty, old bastard’ amnesty. Explained a legal spokesman: ‘It’s like being a Nazi Commandant. Yes, you’re abhorrent at the time, but as the years tick by, there comes a point where you look like Santa. And who wouldn’t want to sit on Santa’s knee…while he gropes you’.
The elderly rogue, reminded voters that there was a more reserved style of Presidency than Clinton or Trump, with many fans surprised he ‘still had it in him’. Said his spokesman: ‘Please remember that President Bush suffers from a form of Parkinson’s disease. Cecil Parkinson that is’.