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Tesla mega-battery will not fit TV remote control


In what is seen as ‘overly elaborate’ plan to stop electricity blackouts interrupting cricket coverage, Southern Australians have installed 100-megawatt batteries into every remote control and mini-fridge.  Also, weighing in at several tonnes, it will be almost impossible should the Tesla battery run out of power to rub it on your leg.

Unfortunately being the length of a football pitch, the mega-watt cell is at least twice as large as the triple-A batteries it will replace.  Likewise costing close to A$240 million, Christmas gifts in Australia will still carry the tagline ‘Batteries are no included’

Commented Jaxon Kelly (34): ‘I get that we don’t want to miss England getting stuffed but this is a bit over the top.  The battery is so large, I need binoculars to see the TV – and that’s not the kind of ‘remote’ that I was looking for.  And I can tell you now, my wife’s going nowhere near her new vibrator’.

Although each battery is capable of powering 30,000 homes or one iPhone for an hour, it still need a power source.  Explained a Tesla engineer: ‘We need a certain amount of wind to generated, so we’re going to connect it up to some of the Ashes sledging going on’.

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This entry was posted on December 5, 2017 by in International Sport and tagged , , , , .

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