The Truth about Goats
In a move to placate the rest of the Middle East, the President is set to offer Palestinians some ‘prime real estate’ only forty miles off the coast of Gaza. While Israelis will be given Jerusalem, Palestine will be have an equally attractive capital – with sea views, their own dinghy and ‘all the crab they can eat’.
While some might argue that Jerusalem has more religious significance for Muslims, Mr. Trump is confident that they will soon adapt to worshiping a range of sea gods – from Poseidon to Michael Phelps. Atlantis has its own unique history, with key aquatic religious figureheads; such as Captain Nemo, Spongebob Squarepants and Flipper.
Meanwhile Palestinians will be expected to vacate vast parts of the West Bank in exchange for some colourful shells and a recipe for lobster bisque. However, thanks to global warming, a Palestinians would for once see their territories expand.
Atlantians (as they will now be known) will be expected to embrace their new city and anthem – from ‘The Little Mermaid’. While President Trump insisted that Israelis had an historical right to ownership of Jerusalem and that the rights of indigenous people come first. All Native Americans were unavailable for comment.