The Truth about Goats
After a year of soul-crushing effort and constant abuse, staff have surprised their Office Manager, Paul Broadley, by opting out of his ‘seasonal’ karaoke – sans backing-track – and . Subsequently, as his solo a cappella was greeted with muted enthusiasm, staff seemed less than impressed by the offer of a Christmas Quiz over their lunch break and a Tesco’s value mince-pie.
Mr. Broadley’s motivational message of peace and goodwill, oddly got diluted by his weekly briefing memo, that told everyone that they were ‘sh$t and needed to work harder’. Even the unremitting schedule of appraisals, targets and performance reviews, had taken the shine off Mr. Broadley hanging tinsel on the photocopier.
Explained one downtrodden worker: ‘Rather than a Christmas bonus, we’ve been told that the business has made a charitable donation of our behalf – as it looks better on their audit trail. I’ll be honest, giving up my own time and money for the compulsory Office party, does not feel like a treat. It sounds like the kind of deal David Davis would have negotiated’.
After another year of pay freeze, for some reason the Management’s amusing festive knitwear barely broke a smile. Mr. Broadley was sanguine about the lack of forced merriment: ‘Normally I’d be disappointed with the staff’s attitude, but it’s not as if any of them have a job here next year’.