The Truth about Goats
The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (BAS) has admitted an error in calculating the end of the world; partly down to nuclear proliferation but mainly caused by a confusion between the kitchen and oven clock. Rather than being two minutes to ‘apocalypse’, the use of BST means we are already slap bang in the middle of Armageddon – or Brexit as it is known.
However, rather than causing mass panic, the discovery that the worst has already happened has boosted morale and increased sales of canned spam. In fact, most people are relieved that now they can cease the pretence of caring for humanity, matching socks or Alan Titchmarsh.
A BAS spokeswoman confessed: ‘We simply forgot to windup the clock, which is a bit embarrassing. But no worse than when we accidently replaced it with a Fitbit and ended up jogging into the twenty-third century.’
Created in 1947, the Doomsday clock originally stood at seven minutes to midnight, but was moved forward due to the Cuban Missile Crisis, the invention of Farmville and James Corden joining CBS. The spokeswoman said: ‘Unfortunately you can’t turn back time – unless you’re the Isle of Wight’.