The Truth about Goats
The scraggly remains of some seasonal decoration, sellotaped to the underside of your bannister, has already hung on longer than your commitment to the gym, your resolution to phone your parents once a month and your belief in privatization. Instead this sad strip of sparkling kitsch, looks set outlast your seasonal goodwill and most marriages.
Unlike the Nativity, the scrap of tinsel is a genuine reminder that Christmas is about something that happened, sometime, long ago, involving Jesus and ‘Slade’. The details of which are understandably fuzzy, but what is clear is that this tinsel will leave an enduring mark – probably sticky – so best not to remove it.
With a staying power that Theresa May would envy, the tinsel has every chance lasting long enough to see men on Mars, a cure for cancer and the end of the first round of discussions on Brexit.
Meanwhile the tinsel remains resolutely stuck in place – like honey-coated Arsene Wenger. A Church spokesman explained: ‘The tinsel is symbolic of how Christ died for our sins and was left to hang on a cross, until he got too covered in cobwebs and Romans could no longer spare the blu tack’.