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Surgery patients advised to visit local butcher

Having encouraged sick children to be treated by pharmacists, NHS England has decided to outsource health care to the high street, combining The Body Shop with Hobbycraft.  Butchers will now provide surgical advice, alongside prime off-cuts, with many patients featuring in Greggs’ pasty range.

A spokeswoman for Jeremy Hunt said: ‘The High Street can provide a multitude of cheap health care solutions.  You’ve Argos for General Practice, for sexual well-being we have Screwfix and catatonic patients get sent to the Grocers.  What do you mean that’s insensitive?  It’s not like we sent those with spinal injuries to Clarks. Actually that’s not a bad idea…’

There is some controversy about using under-qualified medical practitioners, yet that will be offset against the convenience of doing your weekly shop while you wait.  Queues are still expected to be long but this way, at the end, you get a Costa coffee with your ailment written on the side.

‘Yes mortality rates will be high, but I’m sure Clinton Cards will have a condolence message for every occasion.  And for serious ailments there will still be the NHS, or as we call it, Poundland.’


2 comments on “Surgery patients advised to visit local butcher

  1. Inchcock
    February 23, 2018



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This entry was posted on February 22, 2018 by in UK Health and tagged , , , , .

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