The Truth about Goats
Sociologists have discovered what many had long suspected, that those whose weekends are packed with strenuous activity, are blatantly ‘slacking-off’ at work. Chief amongst these, are ramblers – who are clearly mocking those who walk for a living, such as postal workers, Southern Rail passengers or Peter Crouch.
Confirmed one scientist: ‘The weekends are meant for sitting on your arse, as you try to catch your breath from your intense weekday labours. If you’ve got the energy to go sewer- kayaking or safari-dogging, then you’ve never put in an honest day’s work. You should be knackered, not bungee jumping with a paintball gun’.
Meanwhile ‘walkers’ defended their leisurely hobby as it supported the manufacture of corn-plasters and Kendall mint cake, while also helping the police find victims of serial killers and often providing serial killers with their victims. Said one insufferably smug nature lover: ‘If God had meant us to not to go walking, he’d have given us cars’.
Some firms have taken steps to monitor their employee’s Facebook status, to ensure that their downtime is spent underneath a duvet, shivering in a foetal position. Those who still have the time to go walking will be given something constructive to do with their perambulations; like a paper-round, fly-tipping or canvasing for the next Brexit referendum.