Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

‘Kind Regards’ goes from passive aggressive to outright lie


Scientists have discovered that over 90% of respondents who sign off emails are neither regarding us kindly, interested in the best of our wishes or intending to stay faithful.  In most cases, the writer is just restraining the urge to yell at the monitor with the primal despair that grips their soul or, at the very least, to smear it in their own excreta.

The reality is, that nobody wants to write to you in the first place and would rather eat their own spleen, than have to continue this disingenuous conversation of meaningless social nicety.  What had seemed to many as a friendly conclusion to letter, has been revealed as a coded insult; one level below slapping someone with a gauntlet but one up from a James Corden smirk.

One correspondent confessed: ‘I had considered just wrapping the letter around a dead fish and sending it recorded delivery.  But in the end I plumped for ‘kind regards’ – the ‘yo momma’ of farewells.  I also sent the fish separately – as everyone still needs their omega-3 fatty acids.’

A sociologist explained: ‘We’re constantly mistaking shit for sincerity.  How else do you explain Tony Blair?  And those three x’s at the end of the message are not kisses, they’re merely blanking out an expletive.  It’s worth noting that the ‘Cheerios’ cereal’s original marketing slogan was ‘Nobody can say ‘No’ to a big box of f$ck off’.’

Advertisements

Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Information

This entry was posted on February 28, 2018 by in International Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,607 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 41,678 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: