The Truth about Goats
Double-agent Sergei Skripal is alleged to have been targeted as he knew the UK’s best kept secret – ‘how to make Brexit work’. This classified information is so secret that not even Theresa May knows it and Boris Johnson would not understand it, even if it was deciphered into crayon.
A successful Brexit is the UK’s most closely secret, alongside ‘Who watches Mrs Browns’ Boys?’, ‘How is it still raining?’ and ‘James Corden – why?’. The fear is, Russia may have ordered this assassination in an attempt to destabilize the UK’s Brexit negotiations, although thanks to David Davis – would we notice?
Mr. Skripal and his daughter were discovered yesterday, slumped on park bench, by a Tory councillor complaining about the homeless problem. Subsequently the government’s emergency committee ‘Cobra’ says they may have been poisoned with a pale, foul-tasting liquid; not dissimilar to Cobra lager.
An Mi6 operative explained: ‘Foreign powers are desperate to get their hands on our secrets, like ‘Where did all the affordable housing go?’, ‘How does Michael Gove keep getting employed?’ and ‘Why are all our cyclists asthmatic?’. Of course, it’s possible that Mr. Skripal may have swallowed a suicide capsule – or a ‘referendum’ as we call it’