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Katy Perry fails to stop killing Nuns for Lent


Despite her promises to the contrary, the American singer and songwriter has continued with her murderous campaign against religious figures and penguin look-alikes.  While others use Easter as a time to reflect, Miss Perry has used the time to assassinate priests, threaten Sikhs and punch the Dalai Lama.

Having already ‘offed’ one of two nuns she was locked in a property battle with, Miss Perry sworn vengeance on anyone of faith blocking her planning permission.  She has instructed her 246 million followers on social media to begin a jihad against jihadists, an end to homeopathy and the inevitable crucifixion of Russell Brand.

For many, this seems a marked contrast to her image as a breezy popsicle and philanthropist, but others will attest to her hatred – confessed one Nun: ‘She said she kissed a girl and liked it.  I explained that it was a mortal sin, even if she did taste of cherry chap-stick.  At that moment Miss Perry lost control and started beating a Cardinal with a three-foot long candle holder.  Ironically, he said it felt so wrong but also felt so right’.

At Lent it is often difficult to give up life’s little pleasures; like chocolate, voting for Brexit or causing a Nun to collapse.  A spokeswoman for Miss Perry agreed: ‘Who hasn’t wanted to kill a Jehovah’s Witness or beat a Scientologist?  And after all, didn’t Jesus die so that condos could be built on Golgotha?’

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2 comments on “Katy Perry fails to stop killing Nuns for Lent

  1. Samuel H. Whitearse
    March 14, 2018

    Brilliant, absolute brilliant.

    Like

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This entry was posted on March 14, 2018 by in Faith and tagged , , , , .

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