The Truth about Goats
The Labour Leadership has removed a welsh pharmaceutical sales rep from their Front Bench, for repeatedly being ‘Owen Smith’ and ignoring party policy that no Owen Smith should be within 10m of the dispatch box. Said a confidant of Jeremy Corbyn: ‘The Shadow Cabinet had an agreed collective responsibility not be Owen Smith – and Owen broke this.
A party official explained: ‘While we respect Owen’s need to be Owen in private. We can’t tolerate Owen taking out a full page story in ‘The Guardian’ declaring that he’s Owen Smith. It just looks bad. Particularly on the eve of local elections, when many people will be voting expressly not for Owen Smith’.
Chuka Umunna – in favour of remaining ‘in 1998’ – is alleged to have said: ‘Owen was fired for saying what the vast majority of the British were thinking – ‘Owen Smith? Who’s Owen Smith?’ And someone needed to say that. UK voters were duped, I…we…I…god, I miss Tony Blair. I really do. Do you wake up sometimes in the middle of the night crying? Do you just ask yourself what’s the point of it all? I just need him to hold me.’
Having been repeatedly rejected by the electorate and labour membership, Mr. Smith is convinced that referendum voters were ill-informed and would vote differently ‘if they just got to know him’. Calling for a second, third and even forth ballot on ‘Owen Smith’, Mr. Smith insisted that he would not rest until he had ignored the results of every election: ‘It’s not about me’ – to which the voters agreed.