The Truth about Goats
Tech company ‘Phantom Secure’ are being investigated for selling modified Blackberry devices, to help organised crime lords avoid detection and blend in with the cast of ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’. US authorities accuse the company of helping criminals hide in plain sight, with 90’s-themed paraphernalia; such as pagers, scrunched socks and hair like Billy Ray Cyrus.
By embracing the 90’s look, the Sinaloa Cartel has been able to shroud themselves in mystery, knee high socks and a fuzzy mohair jumper. Remarked one policeman: ‘A Blackberry device is the perfect way for a drug dealer to camouflage themselves – there’s nothing suspicious seeing someone carrying what looks like a small brick, with a keyboard glued to it’.
‘Witnesses will often fail to spot a Blackberry user in a line-up of iPhone owners, particularly if he’s dressed as Ginger Spice. Most hardened gangsters are almost impossible to detect in their 90’s buffalo shoes, 90’s mesh top and 90’s leopard print overcoat.’
The Department of Justice says Furbys are regularly deployed as drug mules and that with an encrypted Gameboy, Super Mario has been forced into racketeering. Meanwhile the Blackberry remains the perfect smokescreen for someone who harbours a fondness for a 90’s crime – with the most notorious 90’s crime being Sisqo’s ‘Thong Song’.