The Truth about Goats
Fans of FC Barcelona have been left reeling and without a win for more than six hours. Suicide hotlines have been overwhelmed with fans struggling to deal without constant oxytocin, affirmation and smug disregard of Madrid.
Since being founded in 1899, Barcelona have lost just once and that was only to General Francisco Franco on penalties. The rest has been an unremitting triumph, almost as if James Corden had been f$cked by an iPhone – which is not so much a vision of unparalleled success but it’s definitely something we would all pay to see.
This has also strengthened the Catalan independence movement, as the feeling is that maybe Barcelona need to drop out of La Liga and go down a few divisions to ‘find their level’. Catalan boasts a very competitive cub-scout’s under-12 league, various pub teams and ‘walking football’ for those of a Lionel Messi age.
Having lost to Roma in Champions League, Barcelona have extended their winless run to one, with many fearing they will never see victory again. One despairing fan said: ‘I’m used to wins on the hour, every hour. My doctor says I need to keep clapping every five minutes or my heart might stop’. No one is sure who can stop the rot, but sources say that Tony Pulis is on high alert.