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May launches terrorist apprenticeships

Using illegal military strikes in Syria, Theresa May’s new ‘terrorist apprenticeship scheme’ has got off to a real bang!  With the modest investment of several hundred million pounds in bombs, her hope is to create a whole new generation of entrepreneurial jihadists, who will be able to set up their very own bomb factory in a town near you.

While funding remains tight for front-line school services, Mrs May has said that she remains fully committed to targeting impoverished communities, particularly with missiles.  A trial scheme in Libya has already yielded some really motivated graduates – as Manchester Arena will attest.

A Foreign Office spokesman said: ‘Too many of our wannabee terrorists are forced into dead end jobs – like doctor, teacher or aid worker. With our apprenticeship scheme, we’ll be able fast-track shell-shocked teenagers into a career in radicalized violence. And thanks to the UK & US carpet-bombing the Middle East for the last twenty years, there’s no shortage of work placements.’

‘It’s about giving young people a sense of purpose.  Practical skills in electronics, wiring and how to handle Semtex.  This scheme can be launched from an RAF Tornado instantly and requires no scheme of work or long term planning.  ISIS meets YTS.  Technically it’s breaking international law, but who needs the UN when you’ve got OFQUAL’.

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This entry was posted on April 19, 2018 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , , .

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