The Truth about Goats
‘Doodoowatch’, an interactive website that locates unwanted dog excrement, has inadvertently become targeting software for members of the cabinet. Security services have become concerned that the Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson, is too often confused with a ‘small anaemic turd’.
With ministers dropping unwanted ‘sh$t-bombs’ almost daily, it has become impossible to distinguish one bowel evacuation from the next immigration policy. In fact, if you use Google Maps, Boris Johnson bears a startling resemblance to a ‘fetid pile of dung’, so large, that it could only have been created by a dozen St.Bernards on a curry night.
A spokeswoman for No.10 explained: ‘Many of us, will at some time, have trodden in a Michael Gove and will know just how long it takes to get rid of his foul odour. Doodoowatch will be invaluable tool in identifying ministerial errors, although when Brexit negotiations were inputted, it did crash the website.’
The local scheme is expected to be rolled out nationally, but sadly too late for the local elections. Residents in Wimblington, Cambridgeshire, had intended their website to shame dog owners into doing the right thing, but the spokeswoman confirmed: ‘Mrs May had the last laugh – she has no shame’.