The Truth about Goats
Faced with a Friday the 13th dinner date with Donald Trump, UK diplomats have asked if we could have a visitor that is more moderate, stable and with a more ‘age appropriate wife’. Step forward Kim Jong-un, who in recent days has shown himself to have the attributes of Trump – a paranoid narcissist, with his trigger-finger on the nuclear button – but at least with ‘a full head of hair’.
Given the success of Kim Jong-un’s visit to South Korea, many feel that he has more to offer Theresa May – not least of which is advice on how to manage a brutal dictatorship, but with Boris Johnson on board. Also British crowds are far more likely to flock to get a good look at the first ‘human WeebleTM ’.
One Ambassador explained why they preferred Kim over Donald: ‘With Kim Jong-un you get a degree of politeness, he’s not fussy about what food you put in front of him and he’s no desire to steal your golf course. Yes he can get a bit bellicose about missile testing, but he rarely asks for Russian prostitutes to urinate on him’.
Post-Brexit many believe that the UK economy will need to adopt a North Korean model; with drab clothing, uniform haircuts and twenty recipes for rat. ‘Mr. Trump is just too controversial. If he comes we’ll have to camouflage any steel works, Mexican restaurants or women of child bearing age. With Kim we just need to hide all the Uncles’.