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The Truth about Goats

It’s not post-natal depression. You’re tired.

Scientists have discovered that not every ‘moody f$cker’ is necessarily suffering from a medical disorder.  In fact 38% of misbehaving parents, are using their babies as an excuse for a range of anti-social behaviour – such as, poor hygiene, harassing interns or voting for Brexit.

Doctors now believe that many alleged maladies would be cured by a quick power nap, followed by gin, followed by a gin-powered nap.  Confessed one new mother: ‘At first I was panicked. I’m 32 – tired, irritable and suffering from a low sex drive.  But then I remembered.  I’m 32.  And that’s par for the course.’

While depression is a serious and debilitating illness, there is a growing suspicion among friends of Paul Sealy (38) that he was not suffering from cracked nipples and the awkwardness of perineal irrigation.  Paul has previously claimed that he was bed-ridden, yet in his vulnerable state had managed a round of golf and five hours of ‘Call of Duty’.

One Doctor warned: ‘Feeling that you have made a terrible error, is just a natural adjustment to parenthood.  This feeling is temporary – and lasts for just forty to fifty years.  Likewise, the signs of genuine depression are easy to spot; like hopelessness and self-loathing – although, you might just be Theresa May’.


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This entry was posted on May 9, 2018 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , , .

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