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UK introduces referendum return scheme

Bowing to public pressure, Michael Gove has agreed to institute a scheme for disposing of unwanted rubbish – starting with every idea he has ever had.  Citizens will have to option to dump referendum results at a local Tesco or throw Nigel Farage, in sack, into a nearbyl canal.

UK consumers use around 13 billion plastic drinks bottles a year and vote in similar number of referendums.  Waste from these referendums is then pumped into the media, without any thought to the toxic impact it might have on the pond life – or ‘electorate’ as it is known.

Voters will have the option to return their referendum vote or pay of small sur-charge of 40 million Euros.  Returned ballots will then be pulped and reconstituted into toilet paper – which is technically up-cycling.

The Environment Secretary said under the scheme the UK will be hoping to return its Brexit to the ‘box of crackers’ it came from.  Meantime voters are advised to store their unwanted ballots in recycle boxes until Cambridge Analytica are available to pick them up.


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This entry was posted on May 10, 2018 by in UK Environment and tagged , , , , , .

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