Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Seagulls on ‘smack’

Heroin and chips have become the meal of choice for coastal communities and thieving seagulls.  So addicted to ‘H’ have the birds become, that many will bombard innocent beach-goers enjoying the simple pleasures of sunshine and syringe filled with ‘birdie powder’.

Seaside resort towns are said to have the highest death rates through heroin, but that is mainly due to ‘jacked-up’ seagulls colliding with shipping. The average seagull can consume its own bodyweight in heroin every day, meaning that being ‘shat upon’ by a seagull is still considered to be lucky and has a street value of £20 – hence the expression ‘this shit is good’.

Holidaymakers hoping to enjoy a nice cone of chips or a bag of china white, are advised to gently heat their heroin undercover of a beach brolly.   If families want to share needles, they should do so behind a windbreak, away from doped-up gulls and at least thirty minutes before swimming.

Said one tourist: ‘I was busy chasing the dragon and then all of sudden I was being frantically pursued by a herring gull.  It was like Hitchcock had directed ‘Trainspotting’.  Worse still, I got sand in my sandwich – although it’s still technically purer than the smack I bought’.


2 comments on “Seagulls on ‘smack’

  1. guyportman
    June 5, 2018

    That’s coastal communities for you.


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on June 5, 2018 by in UK Local News and tagged , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,623 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 42,935 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: