The Truth about Goats
Fans of Mr McIntyre have spoken of their relief, that the comedian will finally have an anecdote that goes beyond parenting observations and shaking his jowls with mock outrage. Having an actual real life experience which has not been lifted from a Peter Kay box set, will at last give the Michael a chance to be ‘a real boy’.
His publicist read out a statement: ‘I was stationary in my car. Traffic jams, huh? Hands up who’s ever been in a traffic jam? It’s incredible. You, you like it? We like this? Who likes traffic jams? Not, me. And two men – you know what a man is? Who’s ever met a man before? I have. This is unbelievable. Sometimes it’s one man, sometimes its two men. They smashed my car window with a hammer. A hammer. Who uses a hammer these days? It’s unbelievable. And I’m like – Arrrgh. Very high. And he’s like – Grrrrr. Very low, It was unbelievable. Absolutely incredible. Where was I? Oh, yes. Thank you, Wembley, and goodnight!’
Unsurprisingly, comedian Stewart Lee has said McIntyre’s mugging was a bland copy of his own brutal kidnapping and torture during the 1990s. Meanwhile the Metropolitan Police said they had very little evidence to go on as Mr. McIntyre had: ‘Failed to observe anything of value’.