Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Ofsted chief insists children use flag semaphore instead of phones

In a crackdown on mobile phone usage, Amanda Spielman has said that students need traditional forms of communication – such as a fax, pagers or a typewriter tied to their wrist.  Phones are an unwelcome distraction, in marked contrast to having a carrier pigeon stuffed in your blazer.

A spokeswoman confirmed: ‘We don’t want students reading or writing on their phones, to divert from reading or writing.  Mobiles create low level disruption; whereas as someone leaping up and down with hand-held flags and paddles is stimulating.  Semaphore allows colourful social communication – plus the child gets a good workout’.

Agreed one teacher:  ‘Rather than let students text each other, I just encourage them to shout out ‘oi’ whenever they want.  It’s more discreet.  Just like the signal lamps, we set up.  And the proposed changes to cannabis legislation should mean plenty of smoke signals’.

Pupils will embrace the communication tools their parents used, such as graffiti on the Science Block.  The Ofsted spokeswoman said: ‘Its Facebook not funding that threatens our schools. Students need the confidence to put down their phones and fashion a stylus out of their own excrement. It’s about developing writing skills. And, at this school, having read the toilet cubicle wall – I can confirm that ‘Dave iz a bender’.


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on July 3, 2018 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,612 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 42,428 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: