The Truth about Goats
Dmitry Trumpski, formerly of Moscow’s School for Backward Boys, has met his KGB handler in Helsinki for the first time, in order to explain why nobody has, as yet, spotted the overthrow of Western Democracy. Despite having completed his mission to destroy the US, frustratingly Fox News have reported his Presidency as an ‘overwhelming success-ski’.
Commented a Putin aide: ‘His original orders were to undermine the election process, but Ted Cruz already had that covered. We were then told to use the internet to turn voters against Hilary Clinton, but again, she already had that under control. In the end, we simplified his mission to simply spread social discord, although Dmitry seems to have just opted for being deep-undercover in Stormy Daniels, spreading chlamydia.’
Some Russian officials are concerned that Mr. Trumpski may have focused too little on espionage and too much on real estate. While Mr. Putin made it clear that Dmitry would not be returning home to Moscow – not until he has paid for his last hotel clean-up bill.
Dmitry was under strict orders to infiltrate the United States and not to draw attention to himself; which he did effectively by painting himself orange and grabbing everyone ‘by the pussy’. Vladimir Putin admonished Dmitry for not completing his primary task in destroying democracy, although Mr. Trumpski reported that it was already broken before he got there.