Having been trapped for many weeks between a rock and a hard Brexit, hope was starting to fade for Theresa May. However entrepreneur, Elon Musk, has said he can pull her out of the dark, piss-smelling cave that is Jacob Rees-Mogg’s mind.
Mrs May has been stuck in a hole of her own making for over a year, alongside David Davis, a DUP IOU and a small Thai boy. Nobody knows why the small boy was there, but it might explain why David Davis has been so distracted of late.
Mr. Musk is confident he has the technology to navigate the u-bend that Mrs May’s White Paper has been flushed down. The submersible will first be sent 10 feet into Boris Johnson’s rectum – nobody is actually trapped there, but everyone agrees that it would be a funny thing to do.
Rumours persist that Mrs May has had to eat her on excrement to survive – but only when it comes to the North Irish border. One of the rescuers said: ‘We expect her to exit unscathed – which is more than can be said for the UK’.