The Truth about Goats
Sergei Skripal’s home has been snapped up by the UK Government, clearly inspired by Sarah Beeny’s ‘Help! My house is full of WMD’. Said one tax payer: ‘Its great value at £350,000. And we should know – we paid for Skripal to buy it in the first place’.
The property itself is situated in the Salisbury area, popular with secret agents and chemical weapons’ inspectors. Buyers should note, that it is conveniently situated a short walk from the nearest Zizzi’s or any park bench you want to be found slumped on.
The sale guide reads: ‘The perfect retirement home for any double agent; this property would suit a first time buyer or someone with an immunity Novichok. It has lots of period Victorian features; such as its own police checkpoint and a spacious Entrance Hall – now that the front-door has been removed.’
‘A generous, Moscow-facing, garden is marked out by a delightful hedge border and crime-scene tape. Frustratingly for Boris Johnson, this house has no chain…of evidence to speak of.’