The Truth about Goats
Rather than dispel rumours of an unorthodox personal life, the ageing singer has said he plans to fulfil his ambition to own a ‘special friend’ that he can lock in a trunk, without the need for a non-disclosure agreement. Investing the proceeds of his court-case against the BBC, Sir Cliff has contacted a Japanese firm to create a livin’ doll, with no strings attached but a good battery life.
His publicist said that Sir Cliff wanted time alone to satisfy his soul and other ‘very specific needs’. He asked that members of the press respect his client’s privacy and not to pay any heed to the crying noises coming from his bedroom.
The manufacturer promised: ‘Our dolls provide realistic walking but no talking to prying journalists. Look at the hair, it’s real – although I can’t say where we got if from, as we have no desire to embarrass President Trump. If you don’t believe what I say, just feel. No, not there! I’m going to have to wash that now.’
While internet rumours persist that Sir Cliff has got a roamin’ eye, there is not direct evidence tying this bachelor boy to the young ones. Instead, Sir Cliff has said he will spend his remaining days with his living doll, day dreaming about Henman’s Hill and Murray’s Mound.