Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

‘There are more Maths teachers than ever,’ says Government that can’t count


Using a complicated algorithm involving jelly beans and chicken entrails, the Department for Education has declared that there are 10,000 more teachers than in 2010 – provided you classified marker pens as ‘teachers’. Although Unions and the naked eye would suggest a teaching shortage, the Government insisted that out of a population of 66m, 70m were teachers.

A spokeswoman explained, using a Venn Diagram and feather boa: ‘You can calculate the number of Maths teachers by thinking of number, times that by the square root of cheese, then multiply that by the squirrel population, add 6 and subtract daylight saving’s time. That leaves you with a nice round number of ‘plenty-much’, which is more than enough.’

‘Look at it another way – if you take 52 from 100, that leaves you with 48 that you can ignore, because their vote didn’t count. Or if I have seven oranges in this hand and four in another, how do you like them apples?’

‘Why are you looking at me like that? This doesn’t need to be complicated, not if we all give 110%. Pay attention at the back! Look, put simply, if you take teacher’s pay in the 1970s and divide by two, you have…um…actually that’s their current rate of pay’.

Advertisements

Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Information

This entry was posted on September 3, 2018 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,606 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 41,670 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: